E-Bike Suspended over Nostalgia Nights Crowd in a Sacrificial Offering to the Classic Muscle Car


Four years may seem like sufficient time to perfect a festival, but the organizers could never have anticipated this turn of events. The proud owners and onlookers of some of the most pristine Classic Cars took offence to a flyer circulating for a sale at the local storefront Junior’s E-bikes. Perhaps “You auto know better – buy an E-bike – now 30% off” seemed like a fun ad, but it resulted in one of the bikes from the inventory of this store being hoisted by a cherry picker crane some 20 feet over Talbot. The crowd, in a frenzy, took on a monstrous chant “Get gas guzzlers! Or get out of town!”. Chilling.

Onlookers from London were dumbfounded, how could a city full of good, sensible people take such a twisted turn? Professionals at the Southwest Centre for Forensic Mental Health are citing one thing - Mob Mentality. Perhaps the will of the individual was overshadowed by the fear manifested by the entire group.

Not all community members are accepting this scathing hypothesis. “The great Thunder Moon is to blame! The Full moon influences our weather and it permeates into the people, the magnetic tidal pull is just too… too much for most people” Felicity Bourgeoise, a festival vendor selling french pastries, stated. Ms. Bourgeoise added that “the behaviour of the crowd was reminiscent of luddites balking at the progress of machinery, perhaps the transition from fossil fuels is as alienating to some St. Thomas residents as automation was to the English textile workers and weavers in the 19th century.”

Perhaps after these events the Nostalgia Nights will take a page out of the Iron Horse Festival playbook and move off of the streets of St. Thomas to a more serene, grassy lot where calmer heads might prevail. 

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