Railway City

Artwork from the sketch book of a St. Thomas artisan who witnessed the whole debacle This past weekend Ron James, touted as "The Funniest Man in Canada", was forced to flex his improv muscles for an unexpected crowd in St. Thomas, Ontario. This event attracted several hundred spectators, mostly from St. Thomas and the surrounding areas, there was however a small enclave of less wholesome attendees. It seems that the event information found its way into the chatroom for fans of Ron Jeremy. How the event promotion became skewed is still unknown to the event promoters. As audience members arrived at the launch of the Big Top it appeared that the night would go off without a hitch - that was until the leather-bound, bodice-clad ticket holders started to arrive. It didn’t take long for the misinformed group to understand that their anticipation was misplaced. Upon this realization the group took on cat calls, in an attempt to intimidate the upcoming comedian and make th...

Our city was proud to welcome Thomas the Tank Engine back within town limits this weekend, that is up until things went pear-shaped while the mayor was presenting the locomotive with the key to the city. Thomas, the renowned Choo-choo of Children’s TV fame, has now had his reputation tainted in the city of the same name. The incident occurred like this: as the cheerful train accepted the over-sized key his words started to slur together, then after a noticeable pause, he began speaking in Russian. The banter began in a somewhat friendly manner; by Thomas calling the Mayor his “dyevochka” (girl) and “tsvetochka” (flower) but the interaction quickly devolved as the locomotive seemed to become afflicted with coprolalia, a condition associated with Turrets. While experts may debate whether a machine can succumb to such a syndrome, residents of St. Thomas have little doubt left in their minds.  The onlookers had uncomfortable smiles caked on their faces until the moment one...

Four years may seem like sufficient time to perfect a festival, but the organizers could never have anticipated this turn of events. The proud owners and onlookers of some of the most pristine Classic Cars took offence to a flyer circulating for a sale at the local storefront Junior’s E-bikes. Perhaps “You auto know better – buy an E-bike – now 30% off” seemed like a fun ad, but it resulted in one of the bikes from the inventory of this store being hoisted by a cherry picker crane some 20 feet over Talbot. The crowd, in a frenzy, took on a monstrous chant “Get gas guzzlers! Or get out of town!”. Chilling. Onlookers from London were dumbfounded, how could a city full of good, sensible people take such a twisted turn? Professionals at the Southwest Centre for Forensic Mental Health are citing one thing - Mob Mentality. Perhaps the will of the individual was overshadowed by the fear manifested by the entire group. Not all community members are accepting this scathing hypothes...

Due to a delay in the scheduled appearance of the Shore Wild Bird Display, their afternoon appearance unfortunately corresponded with the fireworks; which were pushed ahead due to rain warnings. This resulted in an unfortunate collision between flying fouls and fiery projectiles that rained down feathers (among other things) onto the gathered spectators.  Bill Hodgeman, a local roofer, was not perturbed and muttered something about tar being far worse than feathers.  Local children made a point of trying to gather a collection of feathers from each of the birds and likened the event to being “just like Pokemon!”.  #lifeinstthomas #discoverrailwaycity #stthomasproud #canadaday #canada150