Railway City

  Forman, a producer and host at a local country radio station, was seen as a long shot in the competition, but he is nothing if not a sultry hunk of desirable. He gets his fine figure from mucking out stalls and hanging out with other stallions of the four legged variety. Inspired by Black Beauty as a child, he has a passion for taking care of his equestrian pals, and hopes his friends see him as worthy to walk in the footsteps of Farmer Thoroughgood and Joe - the kindly farmer and his grandson from said film.  When he's not on the radio he can be found watching his preferred shows (Game of Thrones, The Real Housewives, and Dance Moms) or quenching his thirst at his favourite watering hole in the Railway City, the Caps Off Brewing Company, located at 168 Curtis Street. If you're lucky, and you time a visit there just right, you may even catch a glimpse of the newly crowned "Sexiest Man Alive". 

Screenshot of Article from Website The werewolf outbreak in Railway City has been flying under the radar for several years due to an unspoken agreement between the local press and the current city council. Unfortunately it has now been brought to the attention of the city and the world at large due to some zealous reporting. While the outbreak has been, for the most part, under control - and thus something most of us would prefer to keep out of the press so as to not influence tourism to the region - the cat (or should I say wolf?) is now out of the bag.  Apparently one of the staff reporters at the Railway City-Journal didn't get the memo and has now broadcast it to the world. This is just another sad side effect of what happens when local papers in small towns are allowed to be bought out by large corporate media monopolies and the local reporters are laid off (the Railway City-Journal, which is owned by Hogtown Media, recently acquired the Elgin-County Daily and all ...

Manitoba St. was the first street sign to get the gender neutral facelift. In a prescient move, the current city council has decided to create gender neutral street signs throughout the Railway City. The first sign to get a makeover was the potentially triggering “MANitoba” street. Now, when people walk to the Horton Market, they will be able to do so in the blissful abandon that only a city filled with gender neutral street signs can provide. Current list of signs approved for change. “I always thought it was weird that there were so many signs either beginning or ending with ‘man’ while the gender equivalent ‘woman’ had no representation,” said Bolinda Marchande. Tobias Constantine also mentioned that “If we’re going to have gender parity in parliament and the workplace, then why shouldn’t we have equal representation or gender neutrality in our street signs? It just makes sense - it’s 2018, people!” Grayden Laing with one of his commemorative magnets. Gr...

The Roundabout at the Centre of the Controversy St. Thomasian courteous drivers have revolted against the self-centered nature of the roundabout, the new norm in this small rural city is to stop on the roundabout to let waiting vehicles enter.  While this is a polite approach in a slow-moving town, aggressive drivers from snooty towns (which we’re also too polite to name) have rear-ended local roundabout users.   This phenomenon started shortly after the roundabout was installed. It took almost a week to erect the instructional sign and by that time cautionary politeness had already set in. As any local could have told you, once we develop a habit around here it will take more than a paltry sign or highway law for us to change our ways. As Edward Foote said, “Look, if these things were that important then they woulda had that instructional sign, or whatever it is, up sooner.” Edna Heide a spry 85-year-old (equipped with brand new prescription spectacles and a new...

“I don’t know, I think I always just had it in me, it just needed the right moment to get out.” These inspirational words from one local business owner spread like wild fire to neighbouring shops as local businesses have opted to forgo expensive professionally made signs for something more “handcrafted”. A simple scrap of paper, a black sharpie, and for added finesse some duct tape (fun fact: not actually useful on ducts) are all the supplies needed. Where graphically designed and professionally printed signs once lined the iconic street of Talbot, many business owners are skipping the hassle and erecting their own handmade notices and banners. Each new addition adopts a laissez faire attitude about their business image, imposing instead a glimpse into the true character of the business owner – no ableist Comic Sans snobs in the Railway City!   It can be said that as these visionaries post their hand-crafted signs they are truly “letting it all hang out”. While some may...

A recent study published in a prominent medical journal is making waves in rural Ontario.  The study found that children who ingested between 2 and 4 lbs. of manure before the age of 7 had a 250% average increase in immune system response to a variety of viruses and bacterial infections in lab tests.  The implication?  Feeding your young ones even a modest amount of manure could be good for their health. “I like to mix a little bit of it into Kent’s baby food,” said Sally Rankel.  Sally has found that it can be difficult to find good quality manure, but that some farmers are starting to understand that this is a real market.  “As difficult as it has been to source good quality local manure, I know it’s worth it when Kent looks up at me with that adorable shit-eating grin.” “This is opening up a whole new market for us,” said local farmer Fred Dexter.  Fred runs a goat farm outside St. Thomas, and is looking at adding a staff position specially...